(Last reviewed 12/01/2025)
Relevant Legislation & Guidance
Standards and Regulations
Fostering Services National Minimum Standards (England) 2011: Regulation 13
• Standard 3 – Promoting positive behaviour and relationships
• Standard 4 – Safeguarding Children
• Standard 6 – Promoting good health and wellbeing
• Standard 20 Learning and Development of foster carers
Guidance for Training and Development and Support Standards
• Standard 1: Understand the principles and values essential for fostering children and young people
• Standard 2: Understand your role as a foster carer
• Standard 4: Know how to communicate effectively
• Standard 5: Understand the development of children and young people
• Standard 6: Keep children and young people safe from harm
The agency recognises the extensive experience and strengths that its foster carers bring to supporting children’s behaviour. Whilst valuing this expertise, it is important for foster carers to understand and fully support the agency’s stance in relation to what is considered acceptable, not acceptable, and on positive behaviour-support methods. We expect that foster carers develop and enhance their own skills through training, reading, and having open and honest discussions with their supervising social workers.
Promoting positive behaviour and guiding children’s actions are central to the quality of care provided in any foster home. Challenging behaviour is usually addressed by building positive, trusting relationships with children. Foster carers should respond positively to each child or young person’s individual behaviour and be skilled at both diffusing difficult situations and preventing them from escalating. The Behaviour Management Policy and guidance are centred on these principles. In accordance with Regulation 13 of The Fostering Services Regulations 2011, Standard 3.8 of the ‘2011 National Minimum Standards for Fostering Services’ requires that:
“All foster carers receive training in positive care and control of children, including training in de-escalating problems and disputes. The fostering service has a clear written policy on managing behaviour, which includes supporting positive behaviour, de-escalation of conflicts and discipline.”
In line with these Regulations, the agency states that physical restraint of a child or young person in care should only be used in exceptional circumstances—where it is the only appropriate means to prevent likely injury to the child or other people, or likely serious damage to property—and must be carried out in a way consistent with the actions of a caring parent. Any consequences for challenging behaviour must first be discussed with the Supervising Social Worker and/or the child or young person’s Social Worker, must be clear, reasonable, and fair, and must never include restraint or corporal punishment.
Relationships between carers and children/young people should be built on mutual respect and understanding. Foster carers should set and maintain safe, consistent, and understandable boundaries for children/young people regarding acceptable behaviour. We recognise that many children and young people who are looked after have life experiences that can lead to behaviour that is difficult to manage. Expectations of behaviour for both carers and children should be clearly understood and agreed upon by those living in the foster home, and incorporated into the Safe Caring Policy for the household. This should include exercising appropriate guidance over children in the interests of their own welfare and the protection of others without the use of physical restraint or containment.
When children require personal care, their preference for which carer (where more than one) provides this care should be respected. Methods of guidance and discipline must be based on establishing positive relationships with the child, designed to support them rather than punish.
Carers should respond proactively and positively to acceptable behaviour, and address unacceptable behaviour with constructive, agreed disciplinary measures in line with the agreed Safe Caring Policy. Such measures must be fair and applied consistently.
Carers should make clear to children the consequences of unacceptable behaviour, and any measures applied should be relevant to the incident, reasonable, and carried out as close to the time of the incident as possible.
Any measures used to address unacceptable behaviour must be proportionate and appropriate to the child’s age, understanding, and individual needs. For example, challenging behaviour may be the result of illness, bullying, certain disabilities such as autism, or communication difficulties.
The agency’s approach to managing challenging behaviour can be summarised under the following headings:
• Individual plan for each child/young person
• Adapted and specific Safe Caring Policy
• Information sharing and planning
• Child-centred approach
• Mutual respect
• Consequences
Information & Planning
Complete information about the needs, routines, preferences, and potential areas of difficulty for each child/young person will be shared and discussed during the referral and placement planning process. The placement plan will include agreed strategies for responding to identified behaviours that are likely to occur. Ground rules and agreed expectations for behaviour will be shared at this early stage so that all parties including the child or young person can feel confident in the placement arrangements.
Child Centred Approach
Agency staff and carers will work in partnership with the child or young person, their family and placing authority to seek to understand the background influences, causes and triggers for difficult behaviours. The focus will be on the needs of the child and on facilitating ways they can grow and progress. The overarching message to children and young people will be that they are valued and respected even when aspects of their behaviour are unacceptable.
Mutual Respect
Creating a safe, child-centred environment is the most effective way to reduce the incidents of difficult behaviour. The agency foster carers will be encouraged to promote and protect the rights of children and young people and to treat them with respect within the household. Privacy, personal space and the use of appropriate language including body language will be discussed throughout the placement and children and young people will be encouraged to share and express their views.
Consequences
Children and young people need to clearly understand boundaries, limits of acceptable behaviour and what consequences they can expect if these are repeatedly broken. Carers, too, need to be clear about the options and sanctions open to them and know they will receive support in managing difficult situations when discussing this with the Supervising Social Worker. The following strategies may be suggested as part of behaviour management plans:
• Focus on praise and rewarding positive behaviour
• Set realistic expectations for each individual and recognise that difficulties will arise
• Consequences should be understood by the child or young person and should be applied in a consistent and fair manner
Positive Reinforcement
The most effective tools for guiding children’s behaviour are often reward, reinforcement, and recognition. The agency expects foster carers to influence children by using every opportunity to engage with them in a positive way.
Children and young people should be supported to develop socially acceptable behaviour through adults modelling and encouraging positive actions, alongside constructive responses to unwanted or inappropriate behaviour.
Children and young people should be encouraged to develop a clear awareness of their rights and responsibilities. Foster carers and children and young people alike must understand that everyone has rights and responsibilities toward those who live in the home and toward people in the wider community.
The following are examples of acceptable positive discipline:
• Offering genuine praise
• Demonstrating respect
• Modelling appropriate behaviour (i.e. setting a good example)
• Providing suitable incentives and rewards
• Acknowledging feelings
• Talking with children and young people about behaviours and responses to situations
• Holding family meetings that consider everyone’s views
• Recognising when a child does something right
• Allowing children space and privacy when appropriate
Positive Parenting Tips
Tip 1: Talk and Listen
As we know, all children are unique. Getting to know your child, and knowing what makes them angry or agitated, can help you prevent upsetting situations before they happen. Talking and listening to your child helps them understand what is happening:
• Use positive words. Tell your child what you want them to do, not what you do not want them to do. Instead of “don’t make such a mess,” try “tidy up your toys, please.” This is an example of positive parenting.
• Change your tone: Sometimes changing your tone or volume can be enough to stop a tense situation or guide your child to do what you ask. This can work equally well with older children. If you speak in a completely different manner from what they expected, they might be surprised.
• Listening: Encourage your child to talk to you – sit beside them – they will find it easier to talk and listen to you if you are not standing over them.
• Naming feelings: Help them find the words to tell you how they feel, even if it takes time.
• Explaining: If you have to say “no,” give your child a clear reason and offer an alternative.
• Involve your child: Where possible, talk with them about the rules and what you expect from them. Be clear.
• Discussion: As they get older, discuss setting the rules with them. Tell them you care about them, and show this by smiling and using positive body language. Let them know you care about them even when you feel cross or are not happy with their behaviour. They need to realise that it is the behaviour you do not like, not them.
Tip 2: Activity
If children are playing, they are less likely to put the remote control in the bin or wrestle with another child! If you have a lot to do in a short space of time, set up an activity that will give you that important extra half-hour.
■ Join in: Once you have finished your tasks, take five minutes to join what your child is doing – show them that what they are doing matters.
Tip 3: Understand Changes as They Grow
Children’s needs and understanding change as they grow, and what might be expected of a teenager cannot be expected of a two-year-old:
• Independence: Part of growing up for your child will be pushing against boundaries and becoming an individual. You can help them by letting them do as much for themselves as possible – for young children, keep toys at their height, let them dress and feed themselves. With older children, allow them choices and the opportunity to make mistakes sometimes.
• Encouragement: Your child learns what is acceptable from you, so give lots of praise and attention to positive behaviour. If you only pay attention when they misbehave, they will learn to misbehave to gain your attention.
Tip 4: Set Boundaries
Children need clear rules, boundaries, and routine.
• Be consistent.
• Adults need to agree the rules (with older children, agree the rules with them too). It helps the child if all caregivers take the same approach.
• When you say no, mean no. Keeping to this can be hard work, but a few clear rules help you and your children.
• If you make promises, keep them.
• Rules should be simple, clear, and achievable.
• Keep as few rules as possible.
• Try one new routine at a time and get it working before moving on to the next.
Tip 5: Reward and Notice Good Behaviour
Sometimes it is easy to ignore your child when they are behaving well and only notice them when they are misbehaving. Children value their carers’ attention, and if they have to behave badly to get it, they will. Give them lots of praise when they are behaving well, rather than focusing on misbehaviour.
• Rewards do not have to be material things.
• Genuine praise and encouragement are the best rewards as they boost a child’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Try not to stress over the little things. If you praise what they are doing well and ignore the small niggles, your child will learn that unacceptable behaviour no longer gains attention.
Tip 6: Build Self-Confidence
Building your child’s self-confidence will help them try new things, make friends, and cope with the upsets and problems they meet as they grow up.
• Finding out: Give your child the chance to face new experiences and challenges with your support.
• Caring: Tell your child that you truly care about them.
• Independence: Do not try to solve every problem for your child – working it out themselves can boost their confidence.
• Praise: As a general rule, try to give five times more praise than criticism.
• Avoid comparisons: All children are unique. Do not compare your child to others or share comparisons with them; they may grow up comparing themselves unfavourably with others.
Tip 7: Have Realistic Expectations and Allow Consequences
Children are children. They will be untidy, messy, noisy, and, at times, disobedient.
• Give them the freedom to make mistakes.
• Encourage your child to think for themselves and take responsibility for their actions.
Tip 8: Deal with Meltdown Moments Positively
There will be difficult times for every family – usually when there is too much to do in a short space of time, or when what you need to do clashes with what your child wants to do.
Recognise Triggers
There might be specific triggers or times when your child misbehaves. Be aware of these and try to avoid these scenarios by using approaches tailored to the child.
Other things you may wish to try:
• Distraction: For young children, try guiding their attention away from what you do not want them to do.
• Time Out: One alternative to physical punishment is to place your child in a calm but safe space for a short period. Ideally, this should be somewhere you can monitor and observe them. The child should be of an age and ability to understand that they are to stay there until you tell them otherwise. The time limit should be one minute for every year of the child’s age.
• Withdraw privileges: For serious misbehaviour, try withdrawing privileges, for example, favourite programmes, playing games, pocket money, or going out.
• Be a role model: It is your responsibility to set an example for your child through your own behaviour and attitude.
Safety Plans:
At times, it can be helpful for a separate safety plan to be created for children and young people to address specific behaviours, such as self-harm. There is no set template for safety plans, although they must include several actions aimed at reducing behaviours that cause concern and place the young person at risk of harm. Safety plans should be reviewed regularly during both foster carer and SSW supervision.
Safety plans are usually developed in consultation with the LASW, the foster carers and, where appropriate, the young person. Safety plans are in addition to children and young people’s SCPs, although the SCP should refer to the plans and explain how they contribute to reducing risk.
Sanctions and Strategies
The agency believes that the following are examples of strategies for guiding behaviour that are acceptable to use. The list is not exhaustive, as each child is different, nor does it imply that all these methods are appropriate in every situation. Foster carers should think carefully before using any of these approaches and, if necessary, seek further advice regarding their particular situation.
• Behavioural approaches: for example, recognising and rewarding positive behaviour and intentionally ignoring undesirable behaviour.
• Time out: This means using very short periods (e.g. five minutes) where a child is asked to calm down and remain seated in a particular place. This should be used to promote positive change, create an opportunity to restore calm in the child and home, and allow the child to reflect on their behaviour. Time out must be tailored to the individual child, so it is important that you discuss the use of time out with your supervising social worker and the child’s social worker. Care must be taken to ensure the child’s safety at all times, and carers will need to think through the potential impact of the child’s previous experiences before asking them to be alone in a particular room. For example, a child who was regularly abused in a living room should not be isolated in the carer’s living room.
• Grounding: This means that, for a limited period of time, a child or young person is not allowed out. This should not include denying attendance at a regular out-of-school activity such as swimming lessons or attending Cubs or Brownies, or any activities agreed as part of a plan to improve a child’s self-esteem or social skills. Looked-after children are often less skilled than their peers or socially isolated, and the use of such a sanction may further disadvantage the child. It should never involve removing the right to family contact, education or medical care. It must always be for a clearly defined period, e.g. two nights.
• Repairing or paying for damage: It is acceptable for foster carers to involve a child in putting right something that has been damaged or cleaning up a mess. If a child is asked to contribute toward the cost of putting something right, this should be discussed and agreed with the carer’s supervising social worker and should amount to no more than a maximum of 50 % of the child or young person’s pocket money.
• Withdrawal of treats: e.g. favourite television programme; time on computer game consoles.
• Reprimanding: When speaking firmly to a child or young person, the foster carer needs to be aware of the impact of the child’s previous experiences. A reprimand should never be designed to humiliate or shame a child.
• Confiscation: If a child or young person’s possession (e.g. television or computer game) is to be confiscated, this must be for a limited, clearly understood period of time. Comfort items, such as a favourite doll or teddy bear, should never be removed as a sanction.
The following are some examples of sanctions that must never be used or threatened:
• Hitting or corporal punishment of any kind: Foster carers sign an agreement confirming their adherence to the agency’s policy regarding corporal punishment.
• Fines: Foster carers must not withhold pocket money from young people or impose unreasonable financial sanctions (see section above on repairing or paying for damage).
• Deprivation of food or drink.
• Restriction of family contact: Carers must not unilaterally decide to restrict a child or young person’s contact unless there is clear and compelling evidence that the child is in immediate danger, when the carer may exercise their inherent duty of care to protect the child.
• Withdrawal from school or educational opportunities.
• Withholding medical treatment.
• Deprivation of sleep.
• Abusive language.
• Requiring a child to wear inappropriate clothing.
• Locking a child in their room: Subject to the usual security measures of the household such as locking external doors at night, children and young people should never be locked in a room. It may be appropriate to deny a child access to a particular room or a specific area such as the garden. This may be achieved in a number of ways such as verbal requests or locking the door into a particular room.
Foster carers should consider the intended purpose of any behaviour-management strategy and always seek positive methods that will contribute to the development of self-regulation within the child or young person and help to build self-esteem. Foster carers should also consider the potential risk of a complaint being made before using any form of guidance or discipline.
All foster carers are aware of the risk of unfounded allegations being made against them. However experienced or well known the carer is to us, everyone is vulnerable in this regard, and we have a duty to investigate any complaint or representation made by or on behalf of a child or young person.
Use of Physical Intervention (please refer to Restraint Policy)
Physical restraint and containment should not be used; however, there may be occasions when restraining a child is the only safe, viable option and a last resort (see Restraint Policy). For example:
• There is a risk of serious harm to the child or young person or other people present.
• Serious damage to property is likely to occur.
The safest action for a carer is to avoid confrontational scenarios, withdraw from the risk, and help anyone else at risk to withdraw as well.
Once everyone is safe, if the situation still requires it, the foster carer should call the police for assistance if necessary.
After everything has calmed down, the following actions need to be taken by the carers:
• Foster carers must record the incident carefully.
• Foster carers must inform their supervising social worker and the child’s social worker of the incident immediately.
• Foster carers must complete the agency Restraint Incident Report and send it to the office on the same day.
Where it is known that a child presents a risk to self or others, management strategies should be discussed with all involved and recorded fully in the Safe Caring Policy and the individual young person’s Risk Assessment. A Behaviour Management Strategy must be agreed by all parties, including the young person if possible.
De-escalation is the first course of action in managing challenging behaviour. Carers and staff are offered training on different methods. All foster carers must complete this post-approval training. This training provides an opportunity to learn appropriate de-escalation skills and prevent any need for physical intervention.
Sanctions must not be excessive or unreasonable.
This policy does not exclude the ‘normal’ use of physical intervention or control with toddlers or young children who often do not have a sense of the dangers in their environment.
